What do YOU do next?

When it seems all your hope is gone, when everything you've grown complacent and accustomed to turns to chaos and all you can feel inside is fear...Would that be considered your crossroad?

 The determining factor for failure, success or relief in life? If you don't know what your next step will produce but you no longer want to stay standing where you've been what do you do next...

 The decision to move any abrupt way would be uncomfortable and lonely. Not knowing what to expect since you've never done anything other than what you've programmed yourself to do.

It's kind of like, "jump off the cliff or let this animal devour my life." Is there a possibility to survive by trying to fight or would you have more of a chance living if you risked the jump and hoped for the best. What do you do next...

Have you ever felt this way, how did you handle it, did you have that rock to hold on to...

much love,

Justina

I feel confused...

But I am NOT going to lose my faith to things that I cannot explain…

Hosea 4:6 "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge..."

We need to study to show ourselves approved of God, something that we forget at times. Be careful with your "I think" or "I don't agrre" withs, hence the word "I" we need to learn and study the word of God so that it's no longer "I" but what Is right/wrong According to God's Word.

I pray that God gives me direction and helps me and my family to understand his word and will for our lives. In Jesus' name.

much loves,

Justina

Salmanella in My EGGS?!!

It Just Hit Me!!!

I dont' know why but things seem to always hit me after they happen. Like when my dad was cheating on my mom for that whole year I never shed one tear or gave second thought to what he was doing, sure I was angry at times because of what it was doing to my mom and family but other than that I didn't seem to be affected. It wasn't until after that year I had a dream and woke up in tears realizing that I was holding pain inside from what he did...

Well I guess you could kind of say the same thing about me recently stepping down from ministry at our church. See what you don't know is God delivered me from this destructive world when I was a Junior in High School and since then i've been attending the same church, eight years now. I remember the powerful prayer meetings, numerous bible studies, and the feeling of God's awesome touch during praise and worship. I also remember sitting on the front pew with no vocal skills whatsoever but loving the spirit that was in the house and longing to be a part of the praise team that led it. After prophecy, fasting, and much prayer God blessed me with a gift and i've been in our praise team since.

Thats changed though, now I just sit on a pew. Why? for stupid reasons I guess. A boss once told me that i'm "easily discouraged." whatever to that.haha. But I started questioning alot of things that I've stood against because a lack of commitment from mostly everyone else. No one, not ONE person could give me answers to the questions I had of why exactly we need to do this or that to make it to heaven (and if it's so important and it'll send me to hell then why aren't you doing them) and so I sought them on my own. My conclusions through intense study and prayer have brought me to a stand that is contrary to what I have always believed and so I thought me "sitting down" from the praise team would be best since knowing I now somewhat disagree with "our beliefs."

It just hit me today that i've been "sitting down" for about a month now and my heart is crying out, I know my husband and I sat out from being youth leaders and I do not regret that but I don't know if I can say the same thing about the praise team. I know I can praise God anywhere, anytime, but I just feel like I need to be doing more...

So why am I still sitting out? Partially because I do still feel a conflict in beliefs and I want to be sure of some things before I take another step either which way...This doesn't mean I'm "backsliding," alot of people have been talking to me like I am lol. But I love God and he knows I'll give up anything for him, just want to know what is true in HIS eyes and what it is that he requires of me physically and spiritually, to be close to his heart...I just want to be saved.

wow, can't believe I'm actually writting this but oh well

much love

Justina

Let's Talk Family Movies!

It seems nowadays movies are full of curse words and sex scenes, you can't hardly find a movie thats majorly clean. In my home we have set a standard that we will only watch movies up  to PG, we thought, why bring the filth from the world into our homes when we don't have to. I'd like to share a website with you guys, it rates and suggests clean "faith approved" movies and tells you just what to expect when it comes to innapropriate content so you know what your getting into. http://www.dove.org/

If you have any family movies that you would recommend please feel free to comment below!


So If you haven't seen Prince Of Persia, you've got to see it! It's an awesome action packed family movie that keeps you on your toes! I absolutley loved it and best of all it was really clean, I don't remember hearing any curse words and there were no sex scenes minus one kissing scene.

The other movie I saw was The Blind Side. Wonderful movie, heartfelt and full of love. There were no sex scenes in this movie either however there were quite a few curse words. I'd definitley recommend this movie although i'm sure lots of people have already seen it. I'm not so sure if young ones would be interested in it though.

Dearest,

Justina

UPDATES UPDATES UPDATES!

Hello Everyone :)

these past few days have been relaxing...

we've celebrated my husbands birthday and our wedding anniversary. We didn't really do anything too fancy, we had dinner at our favorite restaurant and got to spend some quality time together. I've been working on a couple of songs, it seems during my deepest moments in life is when my heart cries out to God and I'm able to put it on paper. Although putting music to it hasn't been so easy I'm sure i'll come up with something (hopefully). I don't know I've been contemplating some changes that will definitley affect my life but i'm not so sure if it will be for the best or worst.

Dearest,

Justina

How Do You Know What You Believe is True?

How do you know if what you believe is true? Because it lines up with the word of God or is it that you trust that the people who are teaching you are teaching you what lines up with the word?

Do you really know Jesus, what he likes and dislikes, what he hates and what he loves? How he would that we'd be and what he'd rather than what we see?

How he loves and who he shuns or do we live off of others blessings reading their pages waiting for "destiny".

Open your bible, grab a dictionary learn him for you. Look at his pages without your selfish desires, willing to change and rearrange according to the discoveries that unfold. Let God speak to you and breathe his life through you.

Learn him for you.

Dearest,

Justina

Just when you think nothing good is happening...

From dead end job searches to depressing church gossip my life seemed to be twining in hopeless circles. Stepping down caused us a little more chaos than we intended and my discoverings of my christian walk just added a wave of more drama. In the midst of all this we managed to fill out an application for a bargain of an apartment. Unlike our current residing this place had new carpet, level floors, new linoleum, and a great cooling system. Not only was it in better shape but the rent would be a whole lot cheaper than what we were paying.
Sure that we would have no issues with the "approval" process of calling our references since we've established a good name, we called in to check on our application (we didn't want anyone to get it before us ). With excitement running through my veins the manager very firmly informed me that we "do not qualify." Shocked and in disbelief, I wanted to know why.  "What?! are you serious?! Can I ask Why?"

Okay Nosey ones, Eat your heart out!

Okay, so much has been going on I thought i'd share...

My husband and i have decided to resign from our leadership role as youth pastors. It wasn't really a hard decision we've actually been thinking about it alot since we took the young people to youth convention in April which was a bit of a disaster on our parts :{

Since it's not a part of our calling we thought it best that we don't partake in that type of ministry, again. (Although there was more to it...)

ahhhh, now that thats over with, we have recently located a bargain of a home for ourselves, it's an apartment but it's ALOT cheaper than what we pay now =) and that is always a huge plus! (its also in way better condition.)

My job search has been going farely well, i've been applying for receptionist/office work positions which is ultimately what i want so we'll see how that goes...I'm only hoping for the best ;)

I have been rethinking alot of things in my life as far as my belief system and how I chose to live my life and i've come to the conclusion that I will study hard and pray hard (as I've promised my mom I would too) until I've captured where God wants me to stand.

I'm not going to live my life in between things and i'm sure as heck am not going to live it in secret! I mean it in the sense that I'm not going to be a half-way christian...PROFESSING ONE THING AND LIVING ANOTHER.I want to know what I live and believe it's 100% true and stand behind it.

I've decided that I should start working on my book that i've always wanted to write and blogging is just one of those ways to start!

Final thoughts: I want to be a worshipper! In all that i do.
Dearest,
Justina

Fred Hammond - A Song of Strength

This song has helped me through alot of my hard times in life...enjoy

How to Ruin an Interview...

I haven't blogged in a while so i thought i'd share a little bit of my recent encounters...



I had an interview yesterday, it was for a telecommunication position doing cold calls (thats when you call people bugging them to purchase whatever it is your selling.)



Okay so I'm extremely excited about the fact that I even have an interview so I walk into the building with a much too high air of confidence and huge smile on my face. I greet the front desk associate and he directs me to where I will be sitting for the next fifteen minutes accompanied by 10 other job seekers waiting to be proped by questions and then told we got the job.



After filling out another application -as if the one I submitted online wasn't good enough, we were all filed into a small room where the manager of the call center, a nice short lady and another guy (not sure who he was) told us about the company for about 45minutes.



We were then asked to return to our previous areas and wait for them to come around and interview us individually. And this is how my interview went...



Lady: "hello Justina"

Me: "Hello"

Lady: "okay so i have a few questions i will be asking you from this sheet of paper, why did you leave your former job?"

Me: "Well it was a swing shift and we had to work late nights sometimes and i was unable to find a faithful babysitter who would watch my son on such crazy rotating hours."

---Of course i skipped the boring routine questioning i'm just showing you the exciting stuff : /

Lady: "Do you have any questions for me?"

Me: "Yes, I heard the other guy say that you guys have 100 people in your call center?"

Lady: "(slowly) No WE HAVE NINE PEOPLE IN OUR CALL CENTER AND IT'S ABOUT TO BE TEN.

Me: (ditzy)"haha, oh i like that though, i like how theres only 9 people, makes it more umm intimate...You know i worked at all call center but there was about 100 people there, it was soooo chaotic and unproffesional."

Lady: (a bit irritantly)"I've managed a call center of 2,000 employees."

(as if i couldn't stop there, i just had to keep on talking...)

Me: "oh you have, wow...so was it chaotic there?

Lady: "no, not at all."

Me: "I guess it depends on the leaders too, if their proffesional and organized then it won't be."

Lady: "yes, okay so we've had alot of people respond to our ad and i would like to be doing second interviews by next wednesday."

(Silence that felt like forever...I guess i was waiting for her to say we'll call you?)

Me: "Okay"

Lady: "here let me walk you to the door, (while the other 2 people i just finished interviewing before you sit and watch while filling out there "new employee" paperwork of course...I felt like such a dummy!) It was nice meeting you, have a good afternoon!"

Yes i did smile my way out the door too...ugh I think i was way too excited about that interview and i haven't had one in such a long time, I think the lady was a bit relieved to get my seemingly immature, not ready for that type of position self out of there. But what she doesn't know is that i would have been a great person for that position. I really am a good worker but i guess it's sort of a good thing i didn't get it cause who wants to do cold calls for a living.

So there you have it, an embarassing and unsuccesful interview, the first one i've had in about 2years (cause thats when i got hired at my previous job.)

...Death Scare

The past 3 days have been proboably the scariest days i've experienced while being sick. I woke up and all at once there was a pounding migrane, nausea that pepto bismo wasn't helping, sharp chest pain that shot to my back, shortness of breath, and excruciating pain from my knees down.

The first day i laid down in the exact same spot all day.

The next day i took meds and was able to move around but still had shortness of breath so i had to take an excessive amount of breaks just to catch my breath if i didn't i would begin to get dizzy and feel like i was gonna fall out (nausea still remained).

Anyone who knows me knows that i don't get sick very often so this was all too odd for me. Every sickness that once possessed and sometimes conquered my family began to cross my thoughts and increase my concern..."what is this? asthma? heart disease? cancer? valley fever? is it because im overweight? I have honestly NEVER been so concerned about my health.

Day three had to be about the worst day, although my pain had gone away I was having the hardest time breathing. One minute i would be sweating and the next i would be shivering with chills...

So bed time came and i had been propping my head up the past three days to help me breathe easier. I thought why not move these pillows and see if i can sleep laying flat. Once i removed the pillows i felt my heart jump twice and i felt something soft inside of me rub against my chest, i thought it was my heart but then again im not a specialist...so, immediatley after that i was able to breathe without having to concentrate or by trying to catch up with myself.

I went from having such a hard time breathing to the point i felt like i was going to fall out to being able to breathe clearly! I have never been so thankful for air in my life!!!

and that leads me to this, EVERYTHING IS TEMPORARY even the very air we breathe so we should live to the fullest as if every day is our last!


Dearest,

Tina

I HATE PANCAKES!!!

Does breakfast food always have to be a 3 course meal? oh my gosh, i know this is a blog and i prolly should always be positive but hey,,,,,I HATE BREAKFAST FOOD! it's like i hate routine...Every stinkin day (of course sometimes i try to skip days) i have to wake up and prepare a breakfast...pancake, eggs, sausage, fried potatoes...I mean why can't we just do lunch for breakfast...The ironic thing about it is,,,,my husbands favorite meal is breakfast food...and i don't mean a bowl a cereal...(by the way i like cereal) but the whole shebang!

ahhh....done with that venting


Dearest,

Tina

A Weekend...now rest

So Friday night from 10pm-6am we had a youth lock-in at McDermont field house in Lindsay CA. it was sooo much fun!! we took our young people and played all kinds of sports and activities. after getting home saturday around 8:30am we slept and awoke at 3pm to get ready and drive 45min away to watch my younger brother sing in a choir! he did awesome, i'm so proud of him ; )



We got home around 10pm and awoke the next morning for 2 church services...fathers day!



we really didn't do much special just eat at my moms for dinner = )....



So what a busy weekend... now i need rest

The Big 2-3!

So, I am officially 23 as of June 1st
I feel like i'm soooo young and have so much life to live!

So i've made the decision to go back to school and finish what i've started...I want to become an english teacher. I start in December and i'll be going to Phoenix University.

What to do between now and then...get a job! I really need the mula, but we'll see what happens.

Dearest,

Justina

There are 3 Outlooks on Life...

There is the always positive outlook, The ever consistent negative....and then there is the understanding outlook. It's understanding that there will be both positive and negative occurances in life and the way you look at it determines your outcome...
Dearest,

Justina

Thoughts that consume...

So, I was reading someones blog and she was expressing her confusion on life, who she is, what she's purposed for, and how she should live life one day at a time. I can remember asking myself the same thought provoking questions.



However today i don't see myself asking those same questions. I know why I live, it's to Serve God...to win the lost, tell people just like her of the truth,,,that God is real, he's alive and she can lean on him. I know what i'm purposed to do, to worship him, to give him my life, so that it's no longer my life but a life for Christ.



These thoughts consume my mind. Sometimes I can so easily forget that it's not my life. I made a commitment to Jesus about 7 years ago that my life is his and that i will do anything he wants me to and everything that i do i want to be pleasing to him.



It's just so easy to get distracted and lose sight. (sigh) HE'S REAL, HE'S REAL, HE'S REAL And he loves me. Oh what a privelage we have that Christ would love us. I wish that everyone could know of his love.

dearest,

Justina

Back where I started...ugh

So im just gonna be honest, i'm back where i started several months ago,,,i weigh 184 pounds again. it's kinda depressing.

So i'm going to start my diet again. First i just cut out all my junk food, instead of junking i'm gonna eat like a granola bar or bowl of healthy cereal but to an extreme minimal. no more late night dinners, and hello workout sessions!

so my goal is to lose 50pounds and i'm aimin to lose 30 of it before the summer is over and the summer hasn't even began yet so i have a little extra time. That way i'll weigh in at around 154.

Dearest,

Justina

I THINK I'VE FOUND MY NEW OBSESSION...

I now know what color " taupe" is,,,too stinkin cute can't wait to get these...

I think I have a thing for buckles if you can't already tell ; ) these are at Forever 21. Waiting for them to go on sale ; )

Coming soon to the closet of Justina ; ) ooober excited,,,,I found these for $19.99 whereas at most stores they are $40.00+

I JUST CAN"T DECIDE!!!

This Pair is $22.99Two VeRy cute brown ankle boots,,,the only problem is i'll only be able to get one and can't seem to make up my mind between the two...

This pair is $26.99
I'll prolly end up going with the cheaper pair but i'm not sure,,,I love the buckles on this pair : /

On A Mission

So i'm browsing ebay and come across these stinkin CaYute shoes. Now they are a must have and i'm on a mission to find them at a cheaper price ; ) These are $46.18

Can I Get rid of it??

Okay, so my birthday is coming up ! im oober excited June 1st and we are supposed to be eating at THE BEST bbq place ever....Famous Daves! oooohhh yeah = )

Okay and now a serious thought,,,,hmmm....some things in life you just can't change...i mean as far as someones personality goes,,,let's say there is a trait that you don't want to have and you've tried to change it but you just can't seem to, does this mean that this is how you are, who you are, and it will never be changed?

The stinky Side of life is being UnPlugged

Sooo...Today I was thinkin, there is absolutley no one in this world that you can get "close" to without them hurting you or offending you in any way.

NO ONE.

It's because no one is perfect and everyone will fail you in some shape or form, including yourself.

But then again there is someone. Jesus. He is the only one who will never fail me. Everyone else stinks in the event that I will get hurt and be let down but God is always here for me, he seriously is and has never hurt nor failed me. Why not dedicate and devote my life to someone like that. why not.
I need to stay "plugged in" you know, prayed up and in his word. When we UNplug, then living for God can seem so hard and everyone and everything looks stinky. I love you Jesus